Thursday, December 13, 2012

I Want Cake

I need cake.  Must have cake.  A doughnut could suffice as well.

 It’s that kind of a week.  I don’t think I’ve craved a piece of cake in my adult life.  It used to be to the point where I didn’t think I’d ever want a piece of cake again.  After working in an office where every other day there was a reason to have cake, à la Office Space, except there was always enough cake.  Working in a suite with only women, there was always too much. “No just a small, tiny sliver for me!” * You know what I mean. 

But now, I have to settle for cookies.  Slightly stale cookies.  Or biscuits, as they call them here.  So not cake.  They randomly sell cake up at the square where I can catch a taxi into town at this one little shop.  And I’m tempted to pay a taxi driver to go fetch me some cake.  How sad.  I know it wouldn’t be what I crave anyway.  Nothing is exactly the same here.  The Oreos are different.  The Pepsi is different.  The Burger King is different; surprisingly better though.  (Yeah, I eat Burger King here.  And yes, I immediately regret it.)

I’m experiencing one of those Peace Corps roller-coaster lows, a dip so far down that only cake (and possibly ice cream) can pull me out.  

These ladies feel me.

I had a visitor last week, which was great.  It was like a breath of fresh air.  When people come to visit you, it’s a whirlwind of excitement.  It’s getting to be yourself for a whole bunch of days at a time, as opposed to a few times a month when you get together with fellow PCV’s.  It’s amazing!  Freeing!  Wonderful!

Then they leave.  And the darkness comes.  (slightly dramatic?)  I did not anticipate this feeling of loss, loneliness and anxiety.  It’s worse than I had thought, perhaps *because I never considered how I would feel after he left; See: not good.

I’m going to see my family soon in the States, which will surely give me the boost I need to get through the last of my service, except the one little dilemma that causes – to lie or not to lie about it.

I am torn every time someone around here asks me if I’m going up for the break. (“going up” means you are going to America) and I want, need maybe, to lie every time, because I know, no matter who it is, they are going to ask me to ‘carry something nice back for them’.  It could be a co-worker, a friend, a taxi driver, a neighbor, a parent, the shop owner, a friend of a friend, a cousin of your taxi driver, a long lost roommate of the second cousin of one of the parents of one of the children at the school in the town next to yours… you get the idea.  LITERALLY ANYONE will ask you to bring something back for them. 
And I am a terrible liar, especially on the spot, so I can never manage to say that I’m not going home for Christmas.  So I tell them the truth, which then leads into this conversation about how I can’t bring them back something because everyone asks me to bring them something (to which they act surprised, which I am surprised they are surprised, I don’t understand that one if you are a random person I barely know asking me now) and I have to explain that if I brought back something for everyone that asked me then it would be ridiculously expensive to carry all that luggage.  Not to mention I’m flying a cheap-o airline that charges to put luggage in the overhead compartment, my luggage must fit under the seat in front of me!!!  Phew!

It’s a draining process that I hate to go through again and again, so should I lie?  Yes, the answer is yes.  But that brings me back to my being a terrible liar situation.  It’s just all around awkward.  

Ok.  Rant complete.

So lately it’s been hard to find the energy (in between all the episodes of depressing TV shows) to talk to my friends; I haven’t had a real adult conversation in a few days.  I’m thinking that’s not super healthy… 

…soooo I’ve been doing my thankfuls everyday to get my positive attitude on!  Every day is the BEST DAY!

Today I am thankful for:
Pats win MNF
Cookies/Biscuits – Strawberry Tea Time (almost as good as cake)
Last day of the school term tomorrow
Pen pal letters for Grade 1 and 2 finished, mailing tomorrow
Great photos
Being healthy
Jamaican children's dancing abilities
Coffee (actual Dunkin Donuts, yum! send from my lovely Sue :))
Unlimited oranges
Giant grapefruits
The fact that I can still get Pepsi, Burger King and Oreos, even if they  are a little different
New Alicia Keys Album
12-12-12 was yesterday, pretty cool
Peace Corps friends who will totally be able to relate to this :)

 Just dance, gonna be okay. 

*Eat the cake!  Just think, there are sad PCV's out there all over the world that would do anything for that cake!
*Could also be contributed to the fact that I’m REALLY getting into Breaking Bad.  Bad idea?  Meh, misery loves company.