Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Fear's Resolution

Time for some good old fashion self-loathing.  Today I was called "fat" three times.  (By three different, not-so-skinny themselves, individuals, mind you)

I know it's that time of year anyway, when you say to yourself, I'm going to eat better, exercise and get in shape.  Well, for me, it's not the time of year, but the brutal honsety of my Jamaican community that is shaming me into such activities.  So basically, the fear of being called fat every time I go out for a walk is cause for my New Year's Resolution.  It's time I lay off the fried chicken, rice and peas, and cheese puffs.  Sad face.

For those of you who are not familiar with Jamaican culture, Jamaican's are very honest and up-front people, and this is a standard comment made to a lot of female volunteers, so I shouldn't be that offended, right?  But when I decided to venture out for the first time since I got back, not particularly motivated or excited to be around people (I know, I'm terrible), being called "fat" no matter what the meaning, was still a big kick to my big fat self-esteem.

Adding to my diminishing self-confidence, I cut bangs today.  Did anyone notice those?!?  Nope, they just noticed my expanding muffin top.  (Tip: Do not cut bangs in place of eating right and exercising, it is not a sufficient distraction from your gut, even when you cut them yourself in poor lighting and a dirty mirror, resulting in a too short and too blunt look.)

And thanks to those of you who told me I wasn't getting fat.  You are sweet.  But also liars.

What I am thankful for today:

My new computer cord that works!
New bangs (however bad they look)
Jamaicans who are honest despite your feelings
Americans who lie to to save your feelings
Kindle cover - thanks mom!
New kindle books
Internet works today
Patriots are in the play-offs
New (to me) clothes brought back from US
My health
My friends